


Where Are You? (The Minus Side)

by raging_storm (orphan_account)



Series: STØRM'S NEW STUFF [4]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Band, Anger Management, Angst, Bullying, Coming Out, Dark, Depressed Tyler Joseph, Depression, Disturbing Themes, Gay Tyler Joseph, Mental Health Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 02:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14439309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/raging_storm
Summary: Words can hurt, even those typed from behind a computer screen.





	Where Are You? (The Minus Side)

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this on mobile at 11 at night. if there's any errors, that's totally my fault. i hope this is still readable.
> 
> please stay safe and stay alive.

The clock on his wall goes  _tick, tock, tick, tock,_ over and over and over again, just like his heartbeat.

It takes hours before Tyler finally works up the courage to come out.

He makes an anonymous post on a blog for everyone in his school to see.  _you know my name, you know my face, but today I'm hidden from the judgement of the world. but it doesn't matter. i need to get something off my chest. i'm gay._

It's a milestone, he tells himself. It's a step. Because being semi-comfortable with telling others who he is is akin to being semi-comfortable with himself. And that's something, right?

His stomach writhes, and invisible snakes bite his insides. His skin crawls, and he feels sick, absolutely sick. He's used to the mean words, the bullies, but can't imagine what people will say when they find out who the poster is.

+

Josh finds his Internet sessions therapeutic. He finds the middle-aged woman his parents make him see to be a nimrod; not only has she not improved his self-worth issues, she wastes his time with statements like "Tomorrow you can try again, but for now just count to ten."

No, therapy is not the answer. Instead, he lets off steam through the guise of a bully on an anonymous account, and he lurks on the dark side waiting to spew vitriol at an unsuspecting victim.

The post is the perfect answer.  _you know my name, you know my face, but today i'm hidden from the judgement of the world. but it doesn't matter. i need to get something off my chest. i'm gay,_ it reads.

 _Fucking faggots like you should kill themselves,_ Josh types. He hits Send. The comment posts, and Josh doesn't regret it. Not one bit. The guilt will come in the morning, but the night is reserved for hatred. He slowly feels the anger inside him dissipate, and slams his computer shut a little too hard.

Beside him, his phone is lit up. It's a text from Tyler, sent five minutes ago. He'd missed it, having been too busy playing Pass It On with his rage.

Honestly, Tyler is the only good thing in Josh's life right now. The way he smiles, his contagious laughter, the way he goes out of his way to make sure Josh is happy; Josh can't help but fall a little in love with him, honestly. But not gay love, never that. He's not gay, and he's not hypocritical. It's more...platonic love, saved only for the best of friends.

Tyler doesn't deserve all the hate he gets at school. 

Josh reads the text.  _I finally did something I never thought I'd do,_ it reads.

 _oh?_ Josh replies, curious, but he doesn't get an answer.

+

Tyler hunches over his desk and cries. Hands pressed to his eyes, his shoulders shake as his mouse hovers over the comment.

 _Fucking faggots like you should kill themselves,_ it says, and it hurts. It hurts, because Tyler knows it's true. The world would be such a better place without him. He hates himself, he's not afraid of saying it out loud. The monitor burns the comment into his mind, ingrains it in his brain, and he wants to die.

The only reason he's still around is because of Josh. Josh, who depends on Tyler to keep himself happy. Josh, his only friend, his lifeline. Josh, who doesn't even know he's gay, probably hasn't even seen the post.

God, he needs Josh now. He doesn't have Josh, but he has something else instead, something that will provide just as much comfort as his friend would.

His hands shake as he gropes in the dark for the small plastic device, already crusted with dried blood from its last use, and closes his fingers over it.

+

Josh lies in bed, phone cradled to his chest. He watches the comment chain get larger. The world is a fucking cruel place; half the comments are more aggressive than the one he left in the first place.

 _kys queer fag,_ one reads. Does the poster not know that "queer fag" is technically redundant? Josh stares as he scrolls through the comments.

_lol ur going to hell just as OP said_

_I can give you the number of a guy I know, he'll suck u off for free_

_man, I hope you slit your wrists and die. Retards like you deserve to die_

_Hang yourself_

_drink bleach lmaooo_

Josh wants to kill these people. Never mind who the original poster was, never mind that he himself started it. No, most of these people must go to school with him, and this is undeniably the cruelest language Josh has ever seen. He's blown away by how horrible his fellow classmates can be. Does he sit in class with these people? The thought makes him sick. No one should be subjected to this. He wishes they didn't live in such a conservative town.

He wants to cry; instead, he texts Tyler.

_I did something bad, and I feel like shit. Talk to you in the morning, man. Goodnight._

_+_

The chair is old, but it'll do the job.

The rope feels strange in his hands as he makes a noose and ties the end around the ceiling fan.

He's tired of living, tired of the hateful words, tired of being  _Tyler._ He's tired of being rejected. 

_Josh would understand._

Josh would chase off the people with their horrible, horrible words. Then he'd come to Tyler's house, never mind that it's late, never mind that Tyler's gay, and stay with him. Because that's just the kind of caring friend Josh is. Tyler knows he would. He  _knows_ it. He almost feels bad for leaving Josh behind.

He loops the noose around his neck and tugs it once. He wants no accidents. He doesn't want to wake up in the hospital, too much of a failure to even kill himself properly. He doesn't want to see his parents' faces, he doesn't want to see their anguish, he doesn't want the endless therapy sessions or people walking around him on eggshells.

He wants to be  _normal._

Too bad the universe doesn't care what he wants.

 _I'm sorry, Josh,_ he thinks as he kicks the chair out from under himself.

+

In the morning, Josh feels marginally better. He finds that others have stepped in with comments of their own, have told off the haters, even himself, but he feels good. There's still good people in the world. He doesn't even mind them telling him to fuck off. He deserves it tenfold. He only hopes one day he can somehow find this person and beg his forgiveness for his hurtful words.

He makes breakfast with a light heart, and watches his cat curl around his chair, rubbing up against his leg.

After his cereal, he goes to his bathroom to brush his teeth, pausing to send one quick text to Tyler. His previous text has not been read, he sees, and he frowns. Strange. Josh shrugs off his feeling of unease.

 _You up for some Taco Bell after school?_ he writes to his friend, then turns his phone off and starts brushing his teeth.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry.


End file.
